It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
