and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
