Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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