Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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