That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
