hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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