i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
