franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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