Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
