i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
