He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize