Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
