am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
