Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I currently don't understand fingers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
