Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
