we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the day after is always just damage control
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize