In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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