So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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