As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
