for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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