Your face is a jimmy john
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
