Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
