This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
