Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
