did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize