It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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