trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize