Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
