how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
