Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
