I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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