let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
