I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have fence marks all over my body
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
