i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
