Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize