My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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