This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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