Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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