haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
