I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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