I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize