a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MIDGETS
????
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
