there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
