Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
