I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize