she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
