Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
