Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
