just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
