paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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