There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
