Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
