so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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