Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
