i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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