Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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