I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
