just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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