Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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